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Friend Yourself

The other day I posted a thought as my Facebook status: If you had a friend who talked to you how you talked to yourself, how long would that friendship last? It’s something to consider.

Why is it that we feel a freedom, and even sometimes a sick-sense of misplaced righteousness in speaking poorly to ourselves?

You know the scenario: Your week has been going poorly. The thing you were looking forward to didn’t happen. The situation you placed all your hopes in just went down the drain. The person you were counting on let you down. You made a fool out of yourself. Any number of things, but it all leads to that moment where you’re alone and you start lion-eating away at your confidence:

You’re not worth it.

No wonder they don’t like you.

You have nothing important to say.

You ugly, fat, no one will ever love you.

Why did you even try?

And the list goes on. As  it does you feel smaller and smaller until you feel like you’re nothing.

How do I know? Because I’ve been there. I’ve taken that road more times than I’d like to admit. I’m a terribly shy introvert so I self-talk myself into despair if I have to be in a situation where I’m among strangers and need to make small talk. Over the past nine months while my husband and I have been going through infertility treatments I’ve had to take hormones and have been instructed not to work-out at all. So the pounds have come on and I’m angry at the way I look and the way clothes fit (or don’t fit…). I can talk myself into tremors when it comes to my writing career.

But know what? It’s wrong, very, very wrong to speak to ourselves this way. Because you see, we offend God in the midst of our pity-parties.

Our God is not a god of discouragement. Seek Scripture. He is a God who challenges us to be better, who demands change, but He never belittles us. When I look in the mirror and tell myself I’m not worth anything, that’s sin.

To God the Father I am worth His Son, and to Jesus I am worth His very life. How dare I cheapen that in a moment when I’m feeling down.

Don’t believe me?

“You were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.” -1 Corinthians 6:20

“Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground outside your Father’s care. And even the very hairs on your head are numbered. So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.” -Matthew 10:29-31

Don’t mishear me. It’s okay, it’s human to feel disappointment. God tells us to mourn. When that raise doesn’t go through. When your loved one passes on. When the diagnosis comes back bad. Mourn. Rail against God if you need to (He can take it, see Job and David for examples!). But don’t, don’t, don’t tear yourself to shreds. God thinks about you differently — you’re His prized child — He’ll win every time.

Much love -Jess


About Jess Keller

I'm an author, speaker and chocolate eater who's chasing hard after my dreams.

7 responses »

  1. Every woman should read this post! It’s very relevant. Thanks Jessica! Just so you know, .when we met, I didn’t find you introverted at all! I thought you were pretty, smart and someone I’d like for a friend.

  2. I was encourage this week after some difficult situations and revelation of my active acceptance of sinful behavior in regards to finances, trusting God’s provision rather than my materialistic/faithless/greedy/controlling behavior with this verse: Hebrews 12:7-11,

    7If you endure chastening, God deals with you as with sons; for what son is he whom the father chastens not? 8But if you be without chastisement, whereof all are partakers, then are you bastards, and not sons. 9Furthermore we have had fathers of our flesh which corrected us, and we gave them reverence: shall we not much rather be in subjection to the Father of spirits, and live? 10For they truly for a few days chastened us after their own pleasure; but he for our profit, that we might be partakers of his holiness. 11Now no chastening for the present seems to be joyous, but grievous: nevertheless afterward it yields the peaceable fruit of righteousness to them which are exercised thereby.(American King James Version)

    This is likely easier to fully comprehend if you had a loving earthly parent or are a parent yourself. I can bolster up and endure knowing the suffering is indeed for good and with purpose. Reassured furthermore that I am a PRECIOUS CHILD, treasured and worth instructing.

    • Completely agree with you Jamie! God challenges and chastises us – but he doesn’t tear us down and discourage us. It’s good/right to feel angry and upset about our own sin, but to belittle our worth is another matter. I loved that you shared this verse.

  3. This is the first that I have printed out.I know I will read it many times,also I know several people who should read it.

    • Thanks Uncle Don. I’m glad it touched you and could benefit others. It’s a constant struggle that I think every human faces. Good thing we have God in our corner. I always wonder what people without Him do in hard times.

  4. I’ve been there and I love this post! Have you read Grace for the Good Girl by Emily P. Freeman? It touches on a lot of this and to a die-hard, self-critical introvert like me, it was a breath of fresh air.


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