The other day I was trying to get ready to make it to an appointment on time. Easy, right? Well, it used to be, but this is no small feat now with a two month old in the house.
I got my daughter settled in her bouncer and she was happy to sit there and watch me as I straightened the kitchen. The clock started ticking and I needed to get ready—no matter, I brought all my stuff downstairs and could use the bathroom on the main level and still be near to her.
The problem was that every time I stepped into the bathroom, she let out a blood-curdling cry. I’d walk back over to where she was (literally 2 paces from the open bathroom door) and the second she saw me she’d smile again.
So back into the bathroom. Once again, the second I was out of eyesight the screaming and gnashing of gums began. I ducked back out, and just like the first time, the instant she saw me she stopped crying.
By time three I started getting frustrated. I’d call out, “Hey baby girl, I’m right here. It’s okay. I didn’t go away. Mom’s right here.” That did nothing to calm her. I tried singing and talking and anything to be able to finish getting ready. But none of that was enough. The only thing that worked was when I stepped out of the bathroom so she could see me. Then I started grumbling…We weren’t going to be on time…I still needed to check her and get her ready and make sure the diaper bag was stocked.
I was JUST around the corner, couldn’t she handle a couple seconds without me in her line of vision?
Then it hit me: My daughter had just given me a picture of myself and God.
At times when I feel alone and when I have doubts and when I feel like God’s far away, I’ve cried out to Him. “Where are you in all this?” “Do you even care?” “Why aren’t you here—why can’t I feel your presence?” “You left me!” “I feel like I’m going through this alone.”
The second it feels like He “stepped out of my line of vision” I despair, but He’s right there and He’s saying, “It’s okay, Jess. I’m right here. I’ve got this. I’ve never left you.” The only exception is that He doesn’t step away, nor does His patience grow thin when I’m crying out.
Needless to say after that thought I rushed to my daughter and picked her up and stopped worrying about getting to my destination on time. 😉